Live blog, interleague style

Or is it intraleague? I can never remember. Let's go to the game. As an aside, I'm also keeping track of the UCLA-Missouri softball game, as the winner of this series will face the Devils in the Women's College World Series.

Top of 1st: Lopez was hurt in last night's game, so Augie gets the start at 2B. Ryan Roberts gets a rare start at 3B, and leads off with a long fly ball. Parra batting 2nd, and I am loving this guy. He just got called up from the minors a few games ago, and has been just tearing it up. Some dude named Outman (good pitchers name) is pitching for the A's, and his socks are ridiculous. Old school, 70's style socks. Parra continues to be awesome, and draws a walk. Upton is the DH today, batting 3rd. Outman struggling with his control early, and gives up a hard line drive on 3-1 count. Upton with the double, runners on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out. Stephen Drew, hitting under .200, batting cleanup. Hinch is a genius. Oops, my bad, he's hitting .203 after a good game last night. He hits a dribbler to short, but it's enough to score the run. Special K is up, and he's been pretty good this year. He hits a grounder to end the inning, but the D-Backs are up 1-0.

Bottom of 1st: UCLA up 1-0 after 2 innings. Hey, it's Mr. Agility pitching today. He's been OK this season. His ERA isn't so hot, but for whatever reason, the team seems to hit for him. Drew throws Cabrera out on a nice play. Kennedy hits a little blooper in the Bermuda triangle to get to first. Byrnes the Clown is playing left, and bobbles a routine fly ball, but holds on for the second out. Did you see that play the other day when he "tossed" the throw into the left field bullpen. Awesome. That guy is a disaster in the field. The phone rang and I missed the third out.

Top of 2nd: Snyder leads off with a high fly ball to left. Byrnes the Clown hits a little broken bat blooper to left, and hustles to get to 2nd. I have to give props, that was good hustle. Hey, it's Augie!! RBI opportunity here, but he's been a little cold of late. Augie crushes one, but it's hit right at the CF. 2 outs. Young continues to struggle with a fly out to Buck (former Devil) in right.

Bottom of 2nd: UCLA still up 1-0. Maybe my timing is bad, but there's been a serious lack of hotness in that game. I expect more from UCLA. Giambi up, and I haven't noticed how gray his beard is. Is that a side effect of steroids? He grounds out to first. Speaking of gray beards, now they're showing Tony Clark in the dugout. Actually, it's more of a gray Fu Manchu. I sense a theme. I have a gray beard too. Well, I did, but I shaved it. And now I'm boring myself. Back to the game. Sweeney just about takes Mr. Agility's head off with a line drive up the middle. Buck bunts, and almost beats the throw, but Mr. Agility lives up to his nickname and makes a nice play. Leave it to the Sun Devil to put his team ahead of his stats. Crosby draws a walk. Man, I need one of those voice recognition things so I can just say my thoughts and it types them for me. This is a lot of work. Powell, hitting under .200, draws a walk to load the bases for Cabrera. This is trouble. Yikes, he drives Byrnes the Clown to the track, but it stays in the park. I think I'm going to shorten Byrnes the Clown to BTC. My goal is the have a nickname for every player on the team before the season is over.

Top of 3rd: I think everyone on this team is trying to hit a home run. Roberts hits yet another fly ball to start the inning. Parra hits one as well. Can Upton complete the trifecta? Nope, infield single. Upton has been playing well. How will Drew disappoint me today? Routine grounder to 2nd. Darin Sutton is already getting on my nerves. I see a MUTE button in the near future.

Bottom of 3rd: Mr. Agility strikes out Kennedy to start the inning. I'm having some difficulties, as I am typing with one hand right now. No, I'm not jerking off. I'm lying on the ground, leaning on my other arm. Both are poor excuses. Hmm, should I be lazy, or a pervert? I could be both, but that wouldn't leave me any free hands to type. Cust hits a high fly ball, and BTC makes it adventure, but gets the 2nd out. Holliday gets a single. This guy kills us. I'm glad he's out of the NL West. Holy crap, they have an amazing shift on for Giambi. Why don't these guys ever bunt? If it stays fair on the third base line, he's safe easily, even as slow as he is. It doesn't matter, as Giambi draws a walk. Christ, this game is BORING. I'm doing more surfing than watching right now. My ESPN streak is now a 3 game losing streak, which is the longest I've ever had. I think I'll pick a NASCAR event. That should keep the losing streak going. I don't know shit about NASCAR. My mom is a redneck NASCAR fan. D-Backs record third out. And fuck, what the hell is this? D-Back to basics? Imagine unfunny dudes trying to be funny while teaching baseball tips. Awesome. It's like a poor man's Baseball Bunch. Hold these thoughts, the inning has changed.

Top of 4th: Crap, my NASCAR pick didn't take. I guess the race started. I guess I'll pick Cleveland to beat Orlando. Special K draws a walk. I didn't know the Baseball Bunch was filmed in Tucson. Man, I used to watch that show religiously when I was a kid. The kids on the show were annoying as fuck, but Johnny Bench was my favorite player, so I was a regular viewer. Plus, it had the San Diego Chicken, before he became just the Chicken. And for your pleasure, check this out...

Is Tug McGraw high in this? Probably. It doesn't matter, I loved that show. Back to the boringness of the D-Backs game. Another walk. BTC does his speciality, and pops up. And Augie hits into a double play. Dammit Augie, if you don't quit sucking, I'm going to change my loyalties to Parra.

Bottom of 4th: Buck pops up. This game is two fucking hours old, and we are only in the 4th inning? In a 1-0 game? What the fuck is taking so long? Crosby grounds out. Wait, Mr. Agility has a little circle band aid on the back of his neck. What's that about? Did he get nicked getting a hair cut? Powell grounds out. I picked a real doozy to live blog.

Top of 5th: UCLA up 4-0. Looks like they will go to a deciding third game in that series. D-Backs are going to sit on a 1 run lead. Bad idea. Young leads off with a pop up. This offense is horrible. They just said that Young is twice the league average on pop ups. I wonder what BTC's average is. Roberts grounds out to the pitcher. I think I'm going to surf youtube for more blasts from my childhood. But wait, Parra is up. Not for long, as he grounds out.

Bottom of 5th: I always thought Electric Company kicked Seseme Street's ass. Two quick ground outs. I've officially lost interest in this game. BTC makes a diving catch, and the ball pops out when he hits the ground. He didn't need to dive, watching the replay. The ball hit the heel of his glove. THAT'S the BTC we've come to grow sick of. By the way, that was Cust. If they didn't have that ridiculous shift, Drew could have gotten to that pop up. Cust gets a double out of that. Holliday draws a walk. Back to Electric Company. I knew Irene Cara was one of the kids on that show, but here's something I didn't know. She was replaced by the actress who played Violet in the Willie Wonka movie that didn't suck. She was kind of a cute kid. I wonder if she's hot now. This will be my mission, since the game sucks. Giambi flies out.

Top of 6th: The actress' name is Denise Nickerson. According to IMDB, she played Lolita in a Broadway musical. I told you she was a cute kid. I feel like I need to put a disclaimer on this conversation, or else Chris Hansen is going to show up. Upton fouls out, and Drew walks. Special K hits into a double play. Sigh.

Bottom of 6th: I think this is a picture of modern day Violet. She's kinda old, but then I remember that the movie is probably close to 40 years old, so she's probably in her 50's. Sweeney leads off with a single. Here's another pic. Is she rocking the femullet? So I guess the verdict is - NOT HOT. But to be fair, I didn't realize how old she was. Well, that killed some time. I love the internet. Buck pops up. Crosby hits a single to right, and Parra almost gunned down Sweeney at third. Holy crap, that was a throw! A's got something going here. And fuck, wild pitch ties the game. Zavada, our newest minor league call up, is warming in the pen. Powell just blasted a 2 run homer to give the A's a 3-1 lead. Damn. Zavada has the coolest moustache in baseball right now. It looks like one of those old timey Civil War moustaches. Cabrera pops out, and Parra makes a diving catch to end the inning. Hey BTC, that's how you make a diving catch.

Top of 7th: That was Powell's first career home run. Great. UCLA up 5-0. Snyder leads off with a walk. BTC promptly hits into a double play. This offense sucks so bad, I can't think of a word stronger than suck. Augie tries a drag bunt, and barely gets out. We have 3 hits in 7 innings.

Bottom of 7th: Missouri trying to make a comeback in the last inning, as it's now a 5-2 game. Oh boy, here's Slaten. He just got called back up too. Cust strikes out, and Holliday grounds out. And because it's absolutely impossible for Slaten to get through an inning without giving up a run, Giambi hits a bomb. Sweeney pops up to end the inning. 4-1 A's. How many pop ups is that?

Top of 8th: Young actually gets a single. Who will hit into the double play this time? Roberts tried to, but it got by Cabrera. E6, Young to third. Parra comes up as the tying run. Oh, there's the double play. At least the runner on third scored. I guess it's back to thinking about childhood shows, and which girls grew up hot. Remember Little House on the Prarie? Laura was pretty fugly, but I always thought Mary was pretty cute. Yes, she's probably in her 50's too, but I've got to do something to pass the time during this snoozer of a game. That didn't take long. Yep, she still looks pretty good, although a lot of freckles. Man, I'm such a pig. One of the great things about being a guy. Upton strikes out.

Bottom of 8th: Slaten still pitching. Buck flies out to BTC, and that's it for Slaten. Vasquez in to face Crosby. He flies out. Powell draws a walk, and then Cabrera singles. And another wild pitch puts runners on 2nd and 3rd. Kennedy singles, driving the runners in, but gets thrown out at 2nd. 6-2 A's.

Top of 9th: Ziegler in to pitch. Drew grounds out. Special K with one last chance to keep his hitting streak alive. No such luck, as he lives up to his nickname. Tracy hits for Snyder, and gets an infield single to prolong my misery. Montera pinch hitting for BTC. Montero gets a single as well. Augie is up, and let's see if he can keep this going. He pops up to end this game fittingly. Good, this was a long game that was boring as well.