Golden Umbrella winner, accidental find style

Based on my posts, I'm sure most of you think I'm some sort of neanderthal idiot. While that may be true, I like to think of myself as all intellectual and shit. Which is why I have a weakness for nonfiction.

Right now, I am reading The Gulag Archipelago. It was written by some Russian dude who spent quite a bit of time in the gulag, or Russian prison system. It's a pretty interesting read.

Part of my job at work involves running parts through a machine and taking a shitload of data. It's simple work. Mostly babysitting a machine, and changing parts every five minutes or so. It takes anywhere from 8-16 hours to complete. It's easily the most mind numbing portion of my job. However, it makes for some good internet surfing.

So in light of my reading, I was surfing around and learning about Russian prison tattoos. Very fascinating stuff to me. Well, as surfing tends to do, one link led to another, and I ended up reading a blog series called Prison for Dummies. It was really interesting, and it was part of a blog called Midtown Miscreant. Yes, we finally have a new Golden Umbrella winner.

Midtown Miscreant is written by Midtown Miscreant. Kind of like that song Talk Talk by the band Talk Talk, except the blog doesn't suck. MM is a dude who spent his early years running on the wrong side of the law, got caught, and did some time. Most of his blog is his takes on crime, and related topics. Believe me, it is way different than you expect. He's got the unique insight from his time on the inside, and it makes for some really interesting thoughts. I've spent a good chunk of my afternoon reading it. I can't give a bigger endorsement than that.

All right MM, here comes the rules. In order to be added to my esteemed 'Winners of "Umbrella's Blogs That Don't Suck" award (AKA the Golden Umbrella)' list, you must make an acceptance speech in the comments section. You can also post the picture on your website to let anyone who might stumble on to your site immediately know you are awesome.

A nice addition for your new digs.

Umpires don't have a sense of humor

Nothing much new to post. We had the all-star tournament last weekend. Unfortunately, our team got smoked. Even more unfortunately, it wasn't a surprise. However, I did almost get tossed out of the game. We were down to our last batter, and losing 6-0. We had runners on 1st and 3rd. The other team had their closer in, and she was throwing harder than I can. Remember, these are eight year olds.

The pitcher threw a bullet inside, and my girl jumped back to get away. No such luck, she got absolutely drilled. The runner on first started trotting to second, and the batter starts trying to walk it off. Then the ump calls time, and sends the runner back to first. I go out there to find out what is going on, and he tells me she didn't make an effort to get out of the way.

I had a few issues earlier in the game with this ump's calls, but nothing major. This time, I blew a gasket. I was all over him. I won't go into great detail, but he just kept saying "She didn't make an effort to get out of the way" to everything I said. Which was bullshit, but he was sticking to his story.

Finally, one of the other coaches came out and told me to let it go. So I went back in the dugout, and was still steaming. The very next pitch, she cranked it down the left field line. A big puff of chalk went up when the ball hit the ground, and we avoided the shutout. Or so I thought.

I see the ump waving his hands, and yelling "Foul Ball!!" I was already upset, and this pushed me over the edge. I didn't cuss, and I didn't get physical, but for the first time in my life, I questioned an ump's integrity to his face. I was absolutely furious. At this point, I was trying to get tossed. I told him real loud so everyone in the crowd could hear, "Let me guess, the ball hit the line, but since the line didn't make an effort to get out of the way, it doesn't count." Everyone in the crowd started laughing, and our side of the crowd started cheering. This must have embarrassed him, because then he told me, "One more word, and I will toss you." Since I was trying to get the boot, I had to reply to that. I asked, "What, you are going to toss me because of your own incompetence?" He was gutless, and wouldn't toss me out. She ended up striking out on the next pitch.

On brighter news, I got a new tattoo on Monday. It turned out pretty good. It is Chinese characters, and I am not saying what it means. If I wanted everyone to know, I would have printed it in English.